An unexpected death can change the course of your entire life. One question that you may be faced with is what to do when an ex-lover dies. Many people wonder if it’s appropriate to go to the funeral, especially if the deceased has a new romantic partner.
There’s no easy answer to this question. Families can be very complicated.
Were You Married?
There’s a strong argument for attending the funeral if the deceased is your ex-spouse. This is especially true if you had children. Most etiquette rules expect children to be accompanied by the surviving parent.
If you and your ex-spouse didn’t have kids, it’s a little a trickier. Now you have to factor in your new your partner’s emotions, as well as the feelings of your ex’s partner.
Strong emotions can cloud your judgment. Yet, it’s important that you remain clear-headed. You don’t want to mar the deceased’s end of life of services with unnecessary drama. If your breakup was terrible and there were lingering bad feelings on both sides, think about skipping the funeral. That doesn’t mean that you can’t mourn your loss. Just do it in your own way.
Don’t go to the funeral if you’re completely estranged. The rest of the departed’s loved ones might react angrily to your presence. They’re going to be emotional and perhaps prone to lash out. Nothing good will come from causing a scene.
The easiest way to solve your dilemma is to reach out to the people who are close to your ex. Express your condolences and see how they’re received. If they seem willing to talk to you, ask if you can attend the funeral. You can also ask if your new spouse can attend as well.
Only ask the question if you’re prepared to handle any answer. If you’re told no, you need to be gracious about it. They’re hurting too.
If you can’t make it to the funeral itself, you can still send flowers to the grave site or to the home of the deceased’s family members.
Speak to a friend about your ex. Go over your pleasant memories. You don’t have to visit your ex’s grave to honor his or her memory.
If you do attend the funeral, understand that it may be awkward. People may feel strange talking to you, especially if the relationship ended badly. That’s okay. Sit in the back during the service and don’t draw attention to yourself. You can slip away quietly when everything is over.
When you need assistance from a reliable funeral home in Savage, MN, come to Ballard-Sunder Funeral & Cremation. Our professional, caring staff can take a load off of your shoulders. We’re located at 833 Marschall Rd, Shakopee, MN 55379. Give us a call at (952) 445-1202. We can help you through this difficult time. You don’t have to plan the service alone.